The Ol’ Homestead (Nov 1993)

Change is eternal and internal and change is reflected externally for all to see. The world as we know it is changing so fast, reflecting our personal changes. At the Fall Festival in Sorrento, I listened to presenter Mooren Reed, an astrologer from Kamloops, describe the energies of the planets and the purging effect that is happening worldwide. She remarked that this clearing process has been escalating for the past twelve years and will continue for four more years. according to her, astrologers figure that the amount of purging will triple. Past mistakes will be made public so they can be released from our energy fields. This is good, because suppressing our thoughts and feelings or hiding our mistakes can be very detrimental to our health, although most of us are taught to do just that at a very young age.

The front cover is the ol’ telegraphers cabin that we called home for about two years while my parents arranged to purchase property and start building. The dirt road that separated the house from the barn and the cabin where Grandad stayed was the public highway, and anyone who was going fishing at Kalum Lake drove through our yard. When I visited Rosswood several years ago, big changes had occured. They had rerouted the highway, all that marked our homestead site was a lilac bush.

As I browse through the pictures I feel that an era of my life is over. Karmically I feel a shift inside of me, a feeling of completion. The next few years will be the integration of my soul as it readies me for the next phase of my life … whatever that may be.

Here is one last story about my first husband, Rae, when we were making the decision to separate after twenty years of marriage. I felt torn: part of me wanted to stay ‘normal’ and stay married, even though I had not been happy for awhile and part of me knew that being true to my calling was important. I just wanted him to change with me which he had promised to do a few times. I believe their is an unconscious, unspoken agreement between two souls in relationship. When one soul requests a change in status then it is time to renegotiate the agreement and make it clear what the new guidelines are. As usual, I went into a meditative state and asked for guidance from the universe, should I change back to the old me or should I give him the divorce he is asking for. I wanted a clear message of what I should do. I had a dream that night that was so clear I can still see the images.

There was a full moon shining on a lake. Rae and I watched a couple in a row boat chatting. As I looked around there were more couples holding hands and walking on the steep grassy terrain. Several men approached and handed Rae and I shovels. Instantly, I knew what to do. I started digging, and in a matter of minutes, I had my grave dug. The men came back astonished; they couldn’t believe it. Was it the right length? They measured it. “Yep, it was six feet long.” They stared into the hole and found that even the corners were squared! I jumped in and laid down in the hole as they lowered the casket. As darkness descended, I saw a small hole with light at the end and started crawling. I emerged into a steamy warm room to see a man sitting at a large desk, an army sargent. As I approached the man I saluted, and he said, “Job well done.” When I woke up there was a sonic boom in my ears. I looked at the ceiling and said, “What was that all about?” The voice in my head said, “Karmically it’s over. The choice is now yours.” I woke Rae up by poking him in the ribs with my elbow and said, “You’re right, it’s really over.” He listened sleepily as I recounted my dream. He then said “darn,” I really like the old you.

With this feeling of completeness separating our worldly goods and signing the divorce papers came easily. We flipped a coin to see who got first choice and then we each took turns choosing what we wanted. I started laughing when we pulled the pots and pans out of the cupboard and onto the floor. He picked one and I picked one.

Another change that is happening for me is the pronunciation of my name. Some of you may have noticed the little mark over the è. That accent gives my name a French sound and yes, at mid-life I am going to ask people to pronounce my name the way it was given to me. For those of you that haven’t heard this story before, I thought I was named after aunts French poodle. I was told as a child that the first time she heard the name, my Mom thought to herself “If/when I have a girl, I will name her Angèle.” Many years later her wish came true and so I was named. About fifteen years ago a cousin of ours was doing some family research and discovered that I have two ancestors named Angèle. One lived in France in the 17th century and the second one moved to Quebec in the 18th century. So it was no coincidence that I continued with the family name for 19th century.

I believe that we carry genetic coding in our cells that make us repeat the patterns of our ancestors. Our children will act out this patterning (sometimes skipping a generation) till that energy is brought into the open and spoken about, not with shame, but with knowingness. Only then can we heal family patterns thus healing the world.

I never hid from my children the fact that I got married at seventeen because I was pregnant. My hope was that they would not repeat the experience, because raising a family when you are so young is a lot of work. Parenting did teach me about unconditional love and I don’t regret the experience. I know I did an amazing job since I was so young, even staying married, because it was important to the kids and Rae really wanted to be a Dad and spent lots of time with them.

About ten or twelve years ago I read a book that said, “Children come here to teach their parents lessons.” Realizing that my children chose me as their Mom helped me change my attitude and parenting became much more enjoyable. Now, when my kids come to my apartment to visit, I wonder how it must be for them. Each time they come, I have these new ideas and ways of understanding the world.

I enjoy being with my boys and appreciate their way of thinking. When I was that age I knew what I wanted, for my conditioning was strong. Rae was the perfect match for me, even though it took me years to realize and appreciate it. Rae was my reality check for he was slow, steady and grounded. When I came home from a workshop brim full with ideas on how to improve the world or ourselves, he would make the perfect comment and I would settle down and slowly implement the changes that I wanted to see happen.

Right now, I feel like I am completing the final details of my past life. I have spent time reviewing my past lessons and sharing some of them with you … now it seems time to start building. I have decided the next series of front covers will focus on building the new homestead from scratch. You will get to meet Mom, Dad, Grandad, Uncle Chuck and my six brothers as we build a barn, wood shed, wash house and dig a well.