Making Biscuits (Apr 1999)

Cooking comes naturally to me. As you can see from this month’s cover photo my Mom encouraged us children to help cook. Bill and Michael are my brothers and by the cans on the table I will guess they are preparing some baking soda biscuits for dinner. When I was a teenager, my girl friend and I were discussing what to do one Saturday afternoon, when I suggested making donuts. She grimanced and said, “I can’t.” I said, “Why not?” and she said, “Mom won’t let me get the kitchen dirty.” My eyebrows raised with surprise and I said, “Then let’s do it at my house.” I got the deep fryer out and found Mom’s cookbook. Half way through the recipe, we decided we wanted green donuts. I found the food dye and dropped it onto the dough in spots, but it was too late. It didn’t mix in and the donuts looked like they had measles or had gone mouldy, so Cindy and I ate most of them. We had a fun day and I learned at a young age that people are more impressed with appearances than taste. Grandma always said, “Brown is beautiful, so don’t let colour fool you.” She was talking about bleached flour, dried fruit and the smoke painted on dried fish to make them look colorful. The chemicals used to make food appealing weakens our body systems. Since World War I many chemicals have been introduced into our environment to preserve food and make it last longer. It is crucial that people understand what is happening to our so-called food supply and decide what they wish to support.

Food nourishes the soul and over time, I have learned the importance of using quality organic foods so that my body gets the trace minerals that are so important to repairing the nerves, bones and tissues. Quality food helps me to sustain my high level of energy as does my journey inward with Ken each month. I find seeing another part of myself, very profound. It fascinates me to see the child and how she came to make decisions. I find crying for at least an hour every month to be very healing. As I dive into the old pain and release it from my body systems it gives me extra energy that I can use each and every day afterwards. Feeling and freeing the emotions of the past, standing now in the place of witness, gives me the strength to change.

This month it was about seeing myself as mediator between Mom and Dad who always argued, but never in front of the children. You could feel cold air when a major power struggle was going on and it confused me, for I could sense the anger but no one was talking. My entanglement with Mom is being repeated with my partner Jan, so that I may heal this wounded child part of myself who always wanted to make everyone feel better so that we could have peace in the house and be loved. I wanted everyone to see the sunny side of life and I learned it was easier to pretend all was okay. Today my stomach won’t allow my inner child to collapse into confusion, for she likes the warrior side of me that speaks up, even through my knees shake, my belly whirls and my body quivers.

Twenty years ago, it would take about two weeks before I knew something was bothering me. I didn’t know what anger felt like it was buried so deep. Today it takes anywhere from two minutes to two days but I get inklings from my body that something is not right. I sometimes talk it out with a friend and have learned to listen to the tone in my voice as I repeat an incident. As the tone increases I can feel the tension in my body tighten, my voice gets squeaky and I watch myself react. Clueing into a repeating patterns and changing it in the moment is getting easier as I learn to trust my body sensations. Watching Jan and myself get clear on our priorities is a test as to whether I have outgrown my childhood influences of blaming, triangling or trying to save my parents from each other. Dropping my defences is getting easier and it is fortunate that I have Ken to take me one step closer to seeing my original programming so that I may realize that I have created this situation in my life to help me heal myself.

I am a person of action and I don’t always take the time to think things through: I just do things and figure it out later once I see how things are working, and I expect others to do the same. Jan is the opposite: she needs lots of time to see if a new idea is acceptable to her. For me, getting clear with my needs is something that happens as life happens. As my life changes so will my needs, but communicating this effectively to someone else is not a priority. Sometimes I don’t realize I shifted gears until after it happened. Staying grounded with life moving at my speed is a challenge that I enjoy.

Another program I am negotiating with myself is; that changing my mind is okay. Part of me says that if I change my mind I am being fickle and not a responsible person and I won’t be trusted in the future for doing what I said I would do. Reworking that belief system means learning the fine line of differentiation for I do believe in being responsible.

At the core of me is a compassionate warrior who wants to change the world by getting involved and doing something about it. I have this energy because my soul has lived enough lifetimes to know better than to spend time abusing it with addictions. I want the whole world to have the same amount of vitality as I do and I will share my secret with all who ask, whether it be through Musings, Wholefoods Cooking Classes, Yoga, Handwriting Analysis or chatting with people. I believe that my body is a reflection of my soul’s desire to do what it came here to do, and when I speak from the passion in my heart, it gives me energy. I have always had guidance from the voice in my head and now I get a chance to be in touch with my feelings. Today my body is stronger and more flexible than twenty years ago so I believe it when New Age books say… many people are dead by twenty-five with bodies that react rather than act.

I am delighted to be learning so much in this lifetime. I have a deep knowingness that each day is perfect and I trust my angels and guides that I will stay present and do what needs to done. I have learned that “Your mind and your friends can tell you what you want to hear, but the body never lies.”