The Nuns of Terrace (Jul 1999)

Life… what a wonderfully busy journey. As I flipped through the photographs, it was hard to chose a cover for this month. Do I want a busy photograph of a summer picnic with my Mom’s friends, the nuns from Terrace? Or do I want to focus on the quiet reflections of how the natives of northern Alberta lived in the summer? Deciding reminded me of the paradox of life that I am exploring… these two photographs offered the opposites of life as well. The Judeo-Christian beliefs of only one God and one lifetime, or the belief system that God is in everyone and everywhere and that we get many lifetimes to learn our lessons. As you can see I put the nuns on the front cover and here is the other picture, taken by my Grandad, near his hometown of Grimshaw, Alberta.

With summer coming, I was hoping to get caught up on paper work and learn a few new computer programs, but life has a way of just happening, so we will see how much I get done. My partner, Gerry, who runs the Juicy Carrot, is going to Ohio for a week to be with his spiritual teacher. So I will get to take his place and make fresh juices for his customers, for I think it is important not to close during the busy summer months. Then it will be time for me to travel to Edmonton for a week, where my youngest son Dale is organizing a family reunion, and where I will get to be reminded of who I was. Plus I will take time to meet and visit with holistic-minded people — finding out what is happening in their area.

I enjoy life so all will be fun and I will try not to play too hard. I am happy for I feel like I am doing what I came here to do. Having a body that is strong enough to do what is asked of it is my reward. Stilling my mind from the idle chatter is getting easier and yoga helps me the most. I have instant energy when I ask for it and I don’t need caffeine to get it. Slowing down and getting more done seems to be working as my vision of a Centre, for people who are willing to take personal responsibility for their lives, keeps growing.

I decided not to have another intense session with Ken this month, exploring the depths of my understanding of who I am. Instead I got a deep tissue massage. Taking time for myself and getting the dog out from under the porch (last month’s Musings) has been a good test of my ability to keep taking time for myself and still do what needs to done. I am getting clearer with what makes me happy, and my body is getting better at telling me when I am over-doing my pleasures so I am learning to take a few moments to pause, breathe, look around, say my thanks before moving onto the next task. Putting high quality organic food into my system helps my brain function at the speed necessary for integration and figuring out the best way to get a job done. In the midst of my busy-ness I often get major insights into a question I asked of the universe, or an understanding of why I do what I do, and do I want to change it just now.

I get energy being around people who want to learn more about health and awareness and I feel frustrated with some of the reality checks that the universe gives me… that most people just don’t care or they don’t want to know. Isn’t it obvious that, if one’s body is not strong, it cannot do what the mind wishes … as people grow older they notice the difference, but should it be happening to young people… children, teenagers and adults less than 50 years old? It makes me sad, frustrated and sometimes angry that people do not make the connection between the food they eat and the amount of physical energy they have. And yes, I know there is more to it than this, but one idea at a time.

I also know I shouldn’t get attached to what people want to do with their bodies, but when it involves family members and my partners, my judgements do come up. The letting go or grieving process always involves getting angry, then asking myself, “What do I want from that person?” I know I wouldn’t have gotten angry if I didn’t want something. As I listen to the answer, my heart softens and I let go of another string that has tied us together. Then I remind myself that real love is loving people just the way they are… and I get to see yet another paradox.

I figure that is why I do what I do, wanting to educate as many people as are ready … but I am also learning that learning can only happen when they are ready. If it happens to soon or too much at one time, they rebel, for I am not loving them just the way they are. I have found it easier to teach a stranger than a loved one. When I make a comment to Gerry about his appreciating and enjoying the many unusual meals I sometimes prepare, he looks at me with a quizzed look and wonders why I need to comment. But I am just so happy that I have found someone that appreciates my need for quality food. I do enjoy my comfort foods such as ice cream and cookies but if I eat the poor quality version my body reacts with a tummy ache and I don’t sleep well. Afterwards I say to myself that it will be a long time before I do that again. Being born with a sensitive stomach is a blessing and a curse and since life is a paradox, I shall enjoy it to the max and learn as much as I can in this lifetime so that I may bring that energy and understanding into my next life.

Maybe, if we as a nation have dealt with the toxins that are polluting our earth and ourselves, we will all be able to eat high-quality foods that replenish and rebuild our energy systems. Maybe the government will change how it spends our money looking after us, maybe TV advertising and peer pressure will change, maybe we will learn to handle our daily stresses in another way, etc., etc. In the meantime all we can change is ourselves, and that I enjoy doing, for I am a new person everyday. The divine spark continues to glow deep within my psyche and I do love myself…just the way I am.