On the cover is a photo of my brother Michael sharing breakfast with Target, our dog. The sharing reminded me of all the people who have taken the time to help me during the past several weeks and of Dad's frustration, for he had named the dog Target because of the brown spot on his rump. He said it was the perfect place for booting him. Target was fast on his feet and escaped easily most times but once in a while, he went flying through the air. It was better that Target got booted than one of us kids, which Dad sometimes liked to do just for the fun of it. Mostly, he was a good Dad considering he was never given any parenting classes. He liked having kids and spent lots of time playing with us, but when life became frustrating, he needed to release energy in the only way he knew how, which was kicking something.
The last few weeks have been very frustrating for me but in a different way. I am slowed down to less than the pace of a snail because of a pulled groin muscle, which is a reflection of the imbalance in my life. I was given several warnings but do you think I would slow down long enough to focus on the situation? Even after going down for the third time, I still didn't sit and reflect and try to figure out how to make changes.
Finally, my intuitive side decided that was that, and took my leg was strong enough to allow my legs out from under me. The pain made my leg throb late into the night. My higher self was asking me to look at some alternative ways to create balance in my life. What was important to me? How could I facilitate all that I do and still have play and personal time?
The answer came as I lay writhing in pain, having a direct conversation with God. I wasn't happy, so what were my choices? The answer came with my usual resistance, which is the same excuse most people use ... "I can't change because I need the money." The thought was repeated - "It is the only way" -so I had to think some more. Yes, it does feel doable. There would be a few tight spots but I could see the benefits. When Marcel came to work in the morning, I was sitting in my wheelchair anxious to share my insights. She had to think only for few minutes before agreeing. "Yes, publishing every two months is a good idea."
When Samarpan came to work the next day she agreed, it would be great if we all got a week or two off every two months. The decision feels right and will put the fun back into writing Musing and being on the road doing distribution. With a month off in the middle of every printing, I will be able to get caught up on everything that needs doing instead of coming off the road with six days to keep all of my other commitments before another deadline hits. I feel very grateful that the solution was that easy, but I am shaking my head as to why I hadn’t thought of the idea sooner.
I had asked my hips to shift forward some time ago so that my head could be more balanced on my shoulders. I had been working on groin stretches and the Warrior Pose in yoga and thought the rolfing and emotional release work would do the rest, slowly and surely. I also made note that in the last two months I had come into possession of two jars of homemade arnica salve. I remember looking at them and wondering why? I hadn’t had any in my medicine cabinet for years.
Now to start at the beginning - I bought new boots several months ago that had quick hooks at the top and stiff laces. When I was out for walk, I fell crossing a wooden bridge. I was moving slowly, looking at the water, so I didn’t hurt myself. Later that day I tripped again, this time on pavement. I was bruised, and talked about it to several people who all nodded their heads and said they did the same thing. I took my boots off and told myself to crimp the hooks so that it wouldn’t happen again, and set them aside. With time my bruises healed and I forgot the incident, and forgot to find the pliers. A couple of weeks ago the shoes I was wearing got wet and so I decided to put my boots on, forgetting about the previous falls. The strange part was there were no reminders from my angels or higher self, who are always so good with their constant reminders not to forget my keys, or warning me of danger.
That morning as I walked between buildings, my lace looped onto the opposite boot and I made contact with the asphalt. I felt a snap in my groin and swore to myself, knowing that it was more serious than the first two falls. I was stranded for about ten minutes before someone came to help me. I shook and cried, took some Rescue Remedy and Traumel as I rubbed in the Arnica cream for the bruising. The pulsing in my hip and elbow stopped about 3 am and I finally fell asleep with the full moon shining in my eyes.
I moved slowly for several days, resorting to crutches to support me. By Sunday my leg was strong enough to wobble around like a duck. People reminded me that this was a message to slow down, but did I listen? I had too many things to do before I left for Calgary. I started pulling a table very slowly. It worked, I didn’t need help. My leg felt fine, so I pulled again and again. “Hey this is working just fine,” I thought when the leg of the table collapsed. I leaned back slightly to keep my balance and felt the groin snap. This time, the pain was more intense and the healing much slower. My Mom got a wheelchair for me and my niece Darci has been helping me get in and out of bed, as well as getting me dressed. After a week I am able to hobble around on crutches. I have cried lots, had some crystal clearing work done on my energetic field, took flower essences and talked to my hips asking them to release any old stuck energy so that as I heal I can move forward in my life. Acupuncture, and CranioSacral Massage has hastened the healing process.
I am grateful to be able to sit and type without too much distress, and will be glad when I can clean up after myself and get on with normal activities. It has been very difficult to stay present in the pain but there have been moments that have been worth it. As I heal, I intend to remind myself to stop and smell the roses more often, for what needed to get done in that moment of my fall is still sitting there reminding me that - it wasn’t important. It was my programming that was driving me to keep busy, and that can be changed.