Springtime Changes (Jun 1997)

It seems like spring has just arrived, reminding me of our first calf.

This month's front cover is a photo of Buttercup and my brothers Bill and Michael. This calf was born while Bill was in the hospital recuperating from a severe concussion. He had accidentally hit the door handle while playing in the back seat of Grandad's old Dodge while Mother was busy driving and fell out, hitting his head on a frozen rock. This was before car seats and seat belts were invented, and Bill gave my Mom a real good scare, for she was worried he wasn't going to make it. I am sure the one-hour drive to the hospital seemed like an eternity to her. My Mom insisted she was not going to leave his side till he came to, and the hospital policy was 'no visitors after eight pm.' They literally picked her up and hauled her away screaming that she was going to stay near her son till she knew he was going to make it. Several weeks after Bill was released from the hospital, it was decided that he should have the honour of naming the calf since he wasn't able to be there for her birth.

Times do keep a changing and I am so glad that hospitals are more understanding these days, providing family rooms for injured children. If it weren't for determined people like my Mom, the system might not realize that things do need changing.

Changing is difficult for many people, including me. And yet, it is the only thing that is a constant in our lives. Changing the system is even more difficult when it involves thousands of people who have a comfort attached to knowing how things work.

Rather than resist changes in my life, I have learned to focus on how I want the changes to happen. Letting go of the old ways of support and trust that new ways will happen is teaching me much about myself and life at a core level. My child self is guiding me to be more in the moment and I honour her wisdom for it is beyond intelligence. Letting go of needing to be loved in a certain way and learning to accept love as it is being given is bringing to the surface core feelings and beliefs.

As I type I feel confused, for I know that a change needs to happen. I have said to Jan several times over the past six months that my Musings column is feeling complete. Tears are streaming down my face as I try and figure out what is best for Issues and me. Emotionally I don't want to let go and feel the loss, but intellectually, I know I have done well and that maybe it is time to focus my attention elsewhere. I have learned much over the past eight years, and the feedback from sharing my process of healing and insights with you, the reader, has been a major encouragement. I am not sure what needs to happen to my column, so I'll just leave it till next month and see what happens.